T.J. Fulmer is the nephew and son-in-law of Ernie Waldin. His wife is Rebekah Wagner. They took great offense at me for this confrontation. Proverbs warns, “Do not rebuke a mocker, or he will hate you.” This resulted in vicious attacks against me.
From: Brent Detwiler
Date: March 16, 2024 at 11:13:55 PM CDT
To: T.J. Fulmer
Cc: Andrew Wagner, Rebekah Wagner
Subject: RE: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie [Waldin]
We [T.J., Bekah, Ernie, and I] met at your house on March 6. A week later on March 13, you came over here to shoot. We talked afterward. I asked you how things were going with Debi. You said you didn’t know because you hadn’t had a single conversation with Bekah (or anyone else) about the situation for the past seven days. You said you had no idea what was going on. Your disinterest and non-involvement concerned me greatly especially for Bekah.
You called me about taking care of the dogs yesterday [Mar. 15]. This was after the conversation with Ernie, Debi, and [the] four siblings. I asked if you were involved in the call. You said no because you didn’t want to be involved and didn’t need to be involved because it didn’t concern you. My heart sank. That is why I wrote you today.
I’ve laid out the issues with Ernie but not seen you address them in a firm and clear manner. That needs to change for the situation to change.
I do not have time to meet nor is it necessary. Send me your thoughts if you wish.
I’ve copied Bekah and Andrew.
From: T.J. Fulmer
Sent: Sunday, March 17, 2024 11:35 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: Re: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
Brent,
After some deep thought and prayer, I would like to say that I appreciate your wisdom and guidance in this matter. I have enjoyed the conversations we have had and have taken many things away from them and applied it to the situation.
I do want to make a clarification here. When I made the generic statement that, “I don’t really know what’s going on this week”, this was a bit of a mindless response. I speak with Bekah every day about what has transpired in this situation.
I have been active in ways that I have not adequately expressed in our conversations. I will continue to make it an effort to consistently be involved in the ways that I think are best based on the discussions with Bekah and the siblings on boundaries and expectations.
I have tried to schedule a dinner with Ernie though we were unsuccessful due to scheduling.
Make no mistake, I have had firm and clear conversations with him, though not in a public setting. I will be continuing to speak to Ernie in this private manner going forward as well. I have no doubt that these conversations will continue.
While we appreciate any guidance or direction you have given to Ernie, please know that it is not expected. There is no expectation from myself or the family that you need to counsel or correct Ernie. We would hate for your personal endeavors to suffer or for you to feel stretched too thin while inserting yourself into Debi and Ernie’s life.
Again I appreciate every effort you have made during this process both with your conversations with Debi and Ernie and with us as well. I very firmly know that this situation is in God’s hands. I will continue to have an active role in the ways that the Spirit leads me.
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Sunday, March 17, 2024 1:00 PM
To: T.J. Fulmer
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: RE: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
Your statements were explicit not generic. There was no ambiguity. They were also categorical. You were not involved in any way, nor did you want to be.
Furthermore, your statements on March 13 and 15 were not mindless responses. They were deliberate. You wanted to make clear you were not informed, nor involved, so you couldn’t answer my questions.
It appears these were deliberate lies to avoid answering me. What you are telling me now totally contradicts what you told me last week.
From: T.J. Fulmer
Sent: Sunday, March 17, 2024 1:36 PM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: Re: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
Well Brent,
I appreciate hearing your perspective on this situation. I respectfully disagree with your characterization of myself in this context. There was never intentional deceit and I am leaving this in Gods hands, as it should be.
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Sunday, March 17, 2024 1:40 PM
To: T.J. Fulmer
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: RE: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
My re-telling of the facts is true. The question is why you misled me.
From: T.J. Fulmer
Sent: Tuesday, March 19, 2024 11:27 AM
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: Re: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
While we may hold differing perspectives on this significant matter, I want to express my sincere gratitude for the invaluable assistance you have provided. Our diverse viewpoints enrich our discussions and pave the way for deeper understanding and collaboration. Your support has been instrumental, and I look forward to further constructive dialogue as we navigate through this issue together. Our goals are aligned and our efforts should be focused on Debi and Ernie. My hope after all of this is to be friendly and cordial for years to come.
From: Brent Detwiler
Date: March 19, 2024 at 2:42:16 PM CDT
To: T.J. Fulmer
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: RE: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
“While we may hold differing perspectives on this significant matter.” You are not being honest, T.J.
You told me you had no interaction with Bekah and no involvement. These were categorical statements. They are untrue according to what you are saying now. The two cannot be reconciled. It is not a matter of differing perspectives.
I love you buddy but “My re-telling of the facts is true. The question is why you misled me.” It is a question you cannot ignore and maintain your integrity. You clearly misled me. I don’t know why but those are the facts.
Of course, we can be friendly and cordial but my trust in you has been shaken.
From: T.J. Fulmer
Date: March 19, 2024 at 4:15:18 PM CDT
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: Re: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
Brent,
It is in no way my intention to call you a liar, but you are mistaken in your recollection. Therefore, we do have differing perspectives.
I did not say that I had no interaction with Bekah or no involvement. I more specifically said that within the last week, I had not been fully involved. The exact verbiage is semantics at this point as neither of us has a recording of what was said verbatim.
The point was, that I simply had no update for you when we spoke, nor was I in the mood to discuss matters pertaining to Debi or Ernie. I was there to shoot my gun, relieve some stress, and wanted to come say hi.
I talk to Bekah every day about the situation and I have spoken many times with Andrew. While I don’t find it necessary to justify, Bekah and Andrew can attest to this. I may not have dialed in on every phone call, (I live in the same house as Bekah, also she recorded the calls I couldn’t be on because of work) but I am supportive regardless. I am not above anyone that I can’t take feedback from family members and improve on my involvement when possible.
Let’s not forget who was tasked with going to the house just after the intervention. Or who drove Debi to meet the detox staff, or who was involved in meetings and discussions about the intervention itself, and who was an equally contributing force at the intervention.
You may detect some aggravation in my writings here, but my integrity means something to me.
Mislead: cause (someone) to have a wrong idea or impression about someone or something.
I did not mislead you in a way that was malicious or worthy of confrontation, though the definition speaks for itself. We come from very different generations, and when I brush things off, it’s because I’m not interested in talking about them at the moment. We definitely use different approaches I’m sure. You may say, “I have no interest in discussing this right now” whereas I would say, “I don’t really know, not sure what’s going on.”
Same intention in both responses. That should be the takeaway: the intention. I feel that this infraction being inflated has taken the focus away from Debi and Ernie and has placed attention on me that shouldn’t be. My thought on it is if we believe the best in someone, we shouldn’t assume the worst in them if there is a misunderstanding. It feels like you decided to assume the worst in a conversation that didn’t have much substance to it anyway.
All this to say, I want to sincerely apologize if you felt that I mislead you in a malicious way. That was not my intention. As I have said, I would like to remain on course and work towards deciding how we will continue to help Debi and Ernie.
I have and will continue to speak to Ernie about aspects of this whole situation (we are going to dinner tonight). Am I obligated to? No. Is any of this matter the responsibility of anyone else’s involvement? No. But we are choosing to be here and are trying to help. Help may look different to each of us, and different expectations of what that help looks like are to be expected.
Your approach is direct, confrontational, and condemning. I am not scared of confrontation but I have a different approach which is fine. There is no particular fault in anyone’s approach. But first and foremost I will listen to God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit before I do anything. Without His direct guidance, I’m just stepping out of line.
I’m ready to move on from this and refocus. I am ready to forgive and put this behind us. I appreciate your perspective and hope you accept my apology.
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Friday, April 19, 2024 4:15 PM
To: T.J. Fulmer
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: An Appeal to Repent & Draw Near to God
T.J.,
I would have written back sooner but a major story broke on March 20 that I have been covering [i.e., Russell Tusing, Lead Pastor of Sovereign Grace Church in LaGrange, GA, Arrested for Sexual Battery & Child Molestation]. Only now have I had time to finish writing a response to your March 19 email.
I hope it serves you. That is why I’ve invested the time. I quote you and respond in bold italic print.
Brent
From: T.J. Fulmer
Date: March 19, 2024 at 4:15:18 PM CDT
To: Brent Detwiler
Cc: Andrew Wagner; Rebekah Wagner
Subject: Re: You Need to be Fully Involved w/ Ernie
Brent,
It is in no way my intention to call you a liar, but you are mistaken in your recollection. Therefore, we do have differing perspectives.
I am not mistaken in my recollection. I memorialized it (i.e., wrote it down immediately) and then wrote you about it. It is not a matter of perspectives. It is a matter of facts.
I did not say that I had no interaction with Bekah or no involvement. I more specifically said that within the last week, I had not been fully involved. The exact verbiage is semantics at this point as neither of us has a recording of what was said verbatim.
I never said you had no involvement. I said you had no involvement “within the last week.” You are twisting my words.
You could not have been clearer in your categorial comments. You said you never once talked to Bekah from March 6-13. Those are your exact words and the meaning was clear.
I wrote down your words verbatim. It is not a matter of semantics or what words mean. There is no question what you said or what you meant. You are obscuring the plain truth.
The point was, that I simply had no update for you when we spoke, nor was I in the mood to discuss matters pertaining to Debi or Ernie. I was there to shoot my gun, relieve some stress, and wanted to come say hi.
You are lying again. Of course, you had an update. A week’s worth of daily conversations with Bekah. Yet you told me you had no update because you were totally uninvolved. That is precisely what you said.
The truth is finally coming to light. You lied to me because you were not “in the mood to discuss matters pertaining to Debi or Ernie.” You were there to “relieve some stress.” You just wanted to say hi.
I talk to Bekah every day about the situation and I have spoken many times with Andrew. While I don’t find it necessary to justify, Bekah and Andrew can attest to this. I may not have dialed in on every phone call, (I live in the same house as Bekah, also she recorded the calls I couldn’t be on because of work) but I am supportive regardless. I am not above anyone that I can’t take feedback from family members and improve on my involvement when possible.
This only increases your guilt in relation to me. You told me none of it and denied all of it.
Let’s not forget who was tasked with going to the house just after the intervention. Or who drove Debi to meet the detox staff, or who was involved in meetings and discussions about the intervention itself, and who was an equally contributing force at the intervention.
These are all beside the point. Furthermore, you unequivocally told me you were not part of the intervention [Feb. 17] because you did want to be involved. Now you are putting yourself forward as “an equally contributing force.” So you were a force during the intervention equal to Bekah, Jacob, Rachael, and Andrew? That is a lie. What you shared didn’t have nearly the same impact upon Debi. You are embellishing your role.
[NOTE: When T.J. told me he was not involved I wrongly thought that included the intervention. I asked Andrew if he participated and was “an equally contributing force” but received no answer.]
You may detect some aggravation in my writings here, but my integrity means something to me.
Mislead: cause (someone) to have a wrong idea or impression about someone or something.
If your integrity means something then you would own your deceit. You should have told me you were not up for a conversation because you were there to relieve some stress. Instead, you misled me by saying you had no updates because you had no conversations with Bekah and were not involved by choice. You can deny it, but that is exactly what you told me.
I did not mislead you in a way that was malicious or worthy of confrontation, though the definition speaks for itself. We come from very different generations, and when I brush things off, it’s because I’m not interested in talking about them at the moment. We definitely use different approaches I’m sure. You may say, “I have no interest in discussing this right now” whereas I would say, “I don’t really know, not sure what’s going on.”
Of course, it is “worthy of confrontation” because it involves deceit. It was not malicious, but it was completely disingenuous. This is not about “very different generations.” This is about telling the truth. That is ageless! Okay, now it is clear. You think it is fine to lie. “I don’t really know” when you did really know. “Not sure what’s going on” when you did know what was going on. It is frightening T.J. that your conscience would allow you to “brush things off” and intentionally deceive me.
Furthermore, if you were willing to lie to avoid a conversation because you weren’t in the mood, I can’t imagine what you are willing to lie about when you encounter serious temptation. I think the answer is evident - everything.
Same intention in both responses. That should be the takeaway: the intention. I feel that this infraction being inflated has taken the focus away from Debi and Ernie and has placed attention on me that shouldn’t be. My thought on it is if we believe the best in someone, we shouldn’t assume the worst in them if there is a misunderstanding. It feels like you decided to assume the worst in a conversation that didn’t have much substance to it anyway.
The intention or motive was to deceive me for your own selfish intent. You didn’t want to talk. Instead, you made up an elaborate lie. That is not inflated. Furthermore, confronting you doesn’t take the focus off Debi and Ernie; but let me be clear, it does disqualify from helping them since you cannot be trusted. You are a hypocrite when you correct them for being deceitful when you do the same.
Moreover, I am not believing the worst. I am pressing home the truth. This is not a misunderstanding. The facts stand. Deceivers always use “believing the best” to manipulate others and cover up their sins.
All this to say, I want to sincerely apologize if you felt that I mislead you in a malicious way. That was not my intention. As I have said, I would like to remain on course and work towards deciding how we will continue to help Debi and Ernie.
What I feel is totally irrelevant. During our conversation on March 13, you told me how you ask forgiveness at work when confronted by an employee even though you did not do anything wrong. I didn’t say anything at the time. I’ve seen this same ruse used by the most devious of men I have exposed over the past two decades. People “ask forgiveness” to appear humble, appease the person, avoid conflict, and stop further questioning. That is reprehensible. It is the use of deception. “ I am sorry (even though I am not sorry). Please forgive me (even though I didn’t do anything wrong).”
I have and will continue to speak to Ernie about aspects of this whole situation (we are going to dinner tonight). Am I obligated to? No. Is any of this matter the responsibility of anyone else’s involvement? No. But we are choosing to be here and are trying to help. Help may look different to each of us, and different expectations of what that help looks like are to be expected.
Of course you are obligated. Of course you are responsible to be involved. That is such basic biblical teaching. He that is greatest of all is the servant of all. We lay down our lives for others. I have observed you on three different occasions (Christmas dinner, when you and I sat down with Ernie in Feb., and dinner at your house in March). At no time did you address Ernie using biblical categories. That was left to me.
Your approach is direct, confrontational, and condemning. I am not scared of confrontation but I have a different approach which is fine. There is no particular fault in anyone’s approach. But first and foremost I will listen to God and the prompting of the Holy Spirit before I do anything. Without His direct guidance, I’m just stepping out of line.
I have not condemned you. The Bible has condemned you. “Do not lie to one another” (Col. 3:7). Christ has condemned you like a righteous judge. “I testify of it, that its deeds are evil” (John 7:7). The Holy Spirit has condemned you. Jesus sent him to convict of sin (John 16:8). The words “convict” and “condemn” in Scripture mean to be found guilty. Sin is the transgression of God’s law (1 John 3:4). I have not sinfully condemned you.
Furthermore, when you are sinned against, Jesus gave precise directions about what you are to do in Matthew 18:15-17. You are antinomian (lit., against the law) in putting the supposed “prompting of the Holy Spirit” above the Bible. That is heretical. The Holy Spirit is not leading you in your lying, cowardice, selfishness, and disobedience. Nor is he leading in your guidance because that guidance is contrary to the Word of God.
Proverbs 27:5-6 Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
I’m ready to move on from this and refocus. I am ready to forgive and put this behind us. I appreciate your perspective and hope you accept my apology.
I have not sinned against you. There is nothing for you to forgive. I have been a faithful friend. I have been laboring to help you. Yes, I’ve had to be direct given your categorial denials. Yes, I’ve had to confront given your profuse lying and manipulation. Jesus put it clearly, “If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents forgive him” (Luke 17:3).
I do not trust you for the reasons above. You are not an enemy but neither a trusted friend. I will treat you cordially in social circles but that is all until you repent.
You also say, “I…hope you accept my apology.” What apology? More importantly, apologies are what you express when you get a flat tire and are late for dinner. You are using morally neutral language. In contrast, you ask forgiveness when you sin.
T.J., there is a tremendous need for you to get grounded in the teaching of Scripture and an even greater need to grow in integrity. I appeal to you to repent and draw near to God. I’d encourage you to follow David’s example in Psalm 51, James’ teaching in 4:6-10, and John’s exhortation in 1 John 1:5-10.
What follows is the history of our written interaction in chronological order. I hope you will read from top to bottom and ask the Holy Spirit to convict your heart and lead you to repentance. I want to see you walking in the light with Christ.
[NOTE: The history of our written interaction regarding lying is included above. Six weeks later I received the text below.]
Text Message from T.J.
Sunday 12:48 PM
June 2, 2024
Would you be willing to come over to my place for a pleasant chat and to share a meal?
From: Brent Detwiler
Sent: Tuesday, June 4, 2024 5:37 PM
To: T.J. Fulmer
Subject: Still Waiting
Still waiting to hear back from you in writing regarding “An Appeal to Repent and Draw Near to God” (Apr. 19).
[NOTE: I never received a written response. Therefore, we did not meet.]
Related Article
"Jane" Speaks About the Real Story About Brent Detwiler
Friday, January 23, 2026 at 5:25PM